


ironically melancholy covers of upbeat 80s pop hits

by nantes (titians)



Series: memes with pretentious titles [3]
Category: Actor RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Hockey RPF, Model RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 18:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3498569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titians/pseuds/nantes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A third batch of prompt fills from various Tumblr writing memes, including but absolutely not limited to Pansy taking the wrong coffee after working a late shift, Harry being an awful wizard, and Tyler making out with Zayn and Jonny.  </p><p><em><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/972449">This</a> <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/3498428">time</a></em>, I'm sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harry/RJ during the Apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> (here's an anecdote you can all have, just because it's amazing and you should be able to tell it at parties as i am going to in the not so distant future -- while lamb and i were texting about what i should entitle this cluster of ficlets, she told me "my suggestion was going to be 'vagina penis blowback'." and has not replied to anything else i have text her since.) _you're so welcome_.

Harry hears the explosion from eight blocks away when he’s looking at shirts with Zayn — it’s the third one this afternoon and it rattles the windows all around, but Harry still can’t work out if they’re coming closer or moving further away from London. Black ash is raining out of the sky all the same, as it has been for the last week; thick, heavy flakes that are so full of sulphur they’ve eaten away most of the wind shield of his Capri.

Tugging his phone out of his pocket, he sends off a quick text to RJ: _i’m cancelling our date tonight cos the world is still ending :(_

After an hour, RJ still hasn’t replied — he’s otherwise really mad or dead; Harry can’t decide which is worse.


	2. Harry/Zayn in a Discworld AU

It’s not that Harry’s bad at magic, it’s more that Harry is, well- _Harry_. Which says a lot if you know Harry (presumably you do, since everyone knows Harry without being aware that they know Harry; you know that story about a ridiculous disastrous thing caused by stupidity your nan told you to make sure you didn’t do anything stupid? Well, that was Harry) but says more about Zayn, since Zayn is the one who agreed to go with him on this “quest” (yes, the inverted commas are incredibly necessary) even though there’s a high chance Zayn (and Harry as well, more than likely) could get maimed or severely injured or, at worst, die.

Then again, what type of best friend would Zayn be if he turned around and denied his friend when he asked him so politely? (Answer: a very sensible one, but we won’t get into that.)


	3. Nick/RJ in a Steampunk AU

RJ has quick fingers and quicker mind; he is smarter than he looks (which isn’t really a compliment since most people mark him off as a dumb blonde but Nick will always mean it as one, even if RJ frowns whenever he goes ‘You aren’t nearly as stupid as people think you are’ which makes Nick want to pet his face and repeat ‘I’m kidding, I’m kidding’ until RJ smiles again) and is currently working on- something.

All Nick really knows is that it involves the moon or the sea or something in between — there are lunar charts and the times of low and high tide spread out across RJ’s desks more often than not for the past three weeks — but Nick keeps getting confused whenever RJ tries to explain it.

"You’ll understand when it’s finished and we go," he says, then, when Nick sort of falters, frowning a little, RJ adds, "You are coming with me, aren’t you, cos I’ve made you new goggles," like Nick can be easily swayed with new accessories (he can).


	4. Tyler/Zayn

Tonight, the music is so loud Tyler has to lean in to hear anything over it; it isn’t helped by Zayn’s voice, raspy and low from interviews and beer. In his hand Zayn holds his fourth beer. They were shots earlier, from some girl trying to flirt with Jamie. Tyler thinks Zayn may be drunk, from the slur of his s’s. He can’t remember what they’re talking about though, so there is a good chance he is too.

It’s about two-ish when the conversation starts to slow, when the music changes and Tyler looks down at his hands to see he has peeled the label off his bottle. Zayn stops for a beat to watch him place it down on the table behind them — no one says anything or calls him out for it, they barely even look at him and Tyler likes that despite himself, like the anonymity in getting away with something he complains about other people doing back home — and when he turns back to Zayn, he is smiling. The silence stays on a moment too long.

"Are you ok?" he half yells just to be heard over the music.

Zayn eyes him, his mouth a little tight and angles of his cheekbones, his jaw too sharp under the blue lights. He says, “Yeah. Just tired,” but Tyler is sure he meant to say something else.

He means to let the moment go, to let enough time pass to make his non sequiter acceptable but instead he breathes like he’s about to speak and in response, Zayn moves his face and Tyler doesn’t know how to handle that. He can’t decide how to handle it, how he is meant to respond at all and it throws him off. Everything about Zayn right now throws him off and Tyler steps into his space more before he realises he’s doing it.

This is how he ends up kissing him.

Zayn’s mouth is hot under his and Tyler cups his jaw, stubble rasping against his palm as Zayn’s body bends into him, his face raised up while Tyler holds him gently. They break for a split second and it only takes that amount of time for Zayn’s fingers to curl into the front of Tyler’s t-shirt; he is the one to kiss Tyler back. But he started it. He kissed Zayn first. He did, he did, he did, and Tyler feels his chest warm with the knowledge of it. They kiss kinda sloppy while his arm settles around his waist, pulling Zayn in and holding him closer. His chest presses into Tyler and underneath his t-shirt, through Zayn’s button up, Tyler feels the solid line of Zayn, all muscle and bone and his lungs underneath. 

Tyler breathes out against his mouth and pushes further into Zayn’s space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i [warned you](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2276865#work_endnotes) _tyler seguin/zayn malik_ was going to happen.


	5. Idris+Gemma in an Art Thieves AU

Gemma arranges they’ll meet in Starbucks ‘because only assholes meet in Starbucks’, which tells Idris everything he needs to know about Gemma’s feelings towards Mads’ whole plan but he goes along with it because- because it’s Gemma. And she would do the same for him.

Idris orders a caramel macchiato because it is the cheapest but douchiest sounding thing on the menu and he revels in the look on Gemma’s face when they call out his name — _George_ , if only because she went with Patti, and Idris will be the first to admit he’s a little bit sentimental — and order. He beams at her, smiling wider when she rolls her eyes, and hipchecks her towards a table near the window.

She lets him start the conversation. If only because she’s made her views clear on the matter — Idris knows she’s going to help, because Gemma can never say no to Mads, but she isn’t going to be happy about it (until there’s money in her hand) and she probably isn’t going to play nice either.

Then again, he has always found Gemma works better when she is doing it for all the wrong reasons.

"So," and he takes a sip of his drink. It’s disgusting but he doesn’t let it show on his face. "I take it you know the painting, the Cardsharks."

She corrects him, “Cardsharps, p not a k.”

He looks at her expectantly, just to be a jerk. It earns him a smile and the slightest nudge of her boot against his shin. ”I know it.” Idris grins.


	6. Jonny/Tyler in a Pretty Woman AU

Toews is a talker once he gets himself going. Not that Tyler has anything really against that but he starts talking when all Tyler wants to do is leave. Most of the others he works with want him out of the door before he’s barely got his trousers zipped up, shirt still in his hand, but Jonathan Toews is different.

He would fucking have to be, Tyler supposes.

Tonight, all Tyler wants to do is go home, put himself to bed with a cup of tea and sleep through his first lecture, maybe even the second. But Toews seems to have other ideas. As Tyler’s fixing his belt, he twists over in the bed to look at him properly and gives Tyler a smile.

He starts small, but still surprises Tyler when he asks, “Where do you go after- you know, you’re here?”

Tyler can’t find his other shoe. ”Home,” he answers, rudely turning to look around the room in the middle of the word but, really, he can’t see it anywhere. ”To bed.”

From his own, Toews makes a thoughtful humming sound. ”Do you live on your own?”

From the floor, Tyler lifts his head to look at him. His shoe isn’t under the bed anyway. ”Someone’s a chatty Cathy tonight,” he states. Toews’ face shifts and an apology flickers in Tyler’s head; he doesn’t go through with it. Instead, he asks, “Is everything alright?”

Toews answers with his own question. ”Do you want to hang out here tonight?”


	7. Jamie/Tyler in a My Best Friend's Wedding AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w/ bonus Gemma/Patrick, just cos.

Kaner’s getting married, which is in and of itself the weirdest fucking thing on the planet. And it isn’t that Tyler isn’t happy for him, he is. Really. He’s so fucking happy for the guy. It’s more than- well. Tyler’s having a crisis of self because somehow, Patrick fucking Kane, has managed to find someone to marry and Tyler can’t even find someone to be his date for the wedding.

The fact it’s an open bar really isn’t helping anything but, hey, Tyler’s not going to turn down a good opportunity, even if it could end with everyone else in the room hating him for his drunken shenanigans. Jonathan Toews already hates him, so Tyler doesn’t see why he shouldn’t add a few more to the list.

Turning to his left while the chick behind the bar is fixing up his fourth gin and tonic, Tyler lays his eyes on someone he doesn’t think he’s met before — probably Gemma’s side then — and immediately sees a kindred spirit.

There just so happens to be a platter of shots in front of him and Tyler smiles as the idea hits him. (He’s lucky the guy doesn’t turn around and look back at him at that point because Tyler’s pretty sure he looks a little unhinged.) Using two fingers, he slides two shots across the bar towards his soon-to-be-new acquaintance until they bump his elbow, and introduces himself with a cheerful, “Hello, friend.”

The other guy eyes the shots cautiously before a smiles breaks across his face and he wraps a fist around one of the glasses. (He’s got good hands, Tyler notes.) With a nod, he silently toasts Tyler and knocks his back. When he comes back from swallowing, he tells Tyler, “Thanks for that. I’m Jamie.”

"Other one’s yours as well," Tyler returns. "I’m Tyler."


	8. Jonny/Tyler in an In Love with Your Best Friend's Partner AU

"Jonny," Tyler laughs, pulling Jonny in for a hug. He’s wearing a hideous Christmas sweater, some obnoxious thing with reindeer and snowflake patterns that Kaner is matching because that’s what Kaner does, and Jonny takes it all in and accepts that, yes, this is what he has hitched his wagon to. He pats Tyler’s back twice before trying to pull away. But all that earns him is a ‘nuh-uh’ from Tyler as he points upwards- at the mistletoe.

Jonny wonders if it’s too early to feign illness and make a hasty exit.

Tyler doesn’t let go. There’s nowhere for Jonny to move his face to with Tyler this close. Somewhere in the house someone — it sounds like Dayna — laughs and Jonny focuses on that while Tyler brushes his lips off his.

When he pulls back, he’s frowning, and Jonny finds himself amused by it. He should probably be the one frowning. With a huff in his voice, Tyler tells him, “It doesn’t count if you don’t kiss back.”

Jonny feels Tyler’s sigh of exasperation against his mouth.

"You gonna do it right this time?" he asks. Dumbly, Jonny nods. He wonders if Tyler spent this much time with everyone else or if he’s just the lucky one to be experiencing this torture. Tyler tells him, "Good," and leans back in.

Even though he’s expecting it this time, Jonny flinches back momentarily when Tyler’s mouth ghosts over his. But once Tyler’s mouth is on his again, it’s easy enough to push back into his space, using the two inches he has to him to tilt Tyler’ backwards, back into the house. Again, Dayna laughs, this time as they pull apart.

There’s a little flush of colour across Tyler’s cheeks. Jonny fights with everything in him not to lean in a pepper a kiss along the colour.

Tyler rubs at his bottom lip slowly before speaking again. Jonny is probably imagining the breathless hitch to his voice when he says, “Merry Christmas, Toews.”


	9. Pansy/Oliver in a Coffee Shop AU

Coming off an all-nighter at work probably isn’t the best time to go, Pansy’s entire being reeking of beer and smoke from cleaning up tables both inside and out for the last six hours, but she has an essay due tomorrow at 2pm that she’s barely looked at and caffeine will get her through this. Theodore constantly tells her it isn’t healthy but Pansy can’t remember the last time she listened to Theodore’s advice, let alone followed through with it.

Inside the coffee shop it’s just her and one other customer, this guy in a suit, showered and looking wholly more presentable than Pansy in her sweatpants and green hoodie, work clothes messily bundled in her satchel and one sleeve falling away from her shoulder, revealing her bra strap to the rest of the place. Really, she’s too tired to care, but she tucks it away out of manners anyway.

He’s probably heading into work while she’s heading home.

Softly, her voice tired, she orders her usual from the barista, giving her name even though she’s definitely talked to this guy before, then heads over to the other side of the counter to fiddle with the sachets of brown sugar and sweeteners while she waits for her coffee.

She grabs the cup off the counter before it’s barely set down, throwing out a ‘thank you’ to whoever wishes to have it, and sets back off. Her essay is on Jung, which only makes it worse to deal with since, ugh, fuck Jung, and- ugh, this coffee is disgusting.

Flipping around the cup in her hands, she reads the name on it. It doesn’t say ‘Pansy’. It doesn’t fucking say ‘Pansy’ at all — in large, black block capitals, it says ‘OLIVER’.

He has fucking awful taste in coffee.

She makes it back to the coffee shop a minute or two later, cup in hand, and ready to say ‘sorry, but I seem to have grabbed the wrong coffee — you didn’t see where he went, did you?’ when the bell above the door rings and some accent — Pansy is too tired right now to work out where it’s from — asks, “Do you know which way the girl who was just in here went, I have her coffee.”

Pansy turns around.


	10. Pansy/Oliver in an 'I thought this was my friend's house so I broke in' AU

They spend the time between the first noise and the first loud bumping noise arguing over who should go and look to see what it is; somehow Pansy loses even though out of her, Blaise and Theodore, she would not pick herself. The guys don’t even come as far as the end of the hall with her which, thanks boys, that’s really nice.

She grabs a vase on her way passed, just because.

At worst, she’s hoping it a cat — again, lock the bloody window before you go to bed, Nott — so she does make a weird shrieky noise of shock when it turns out it’s a man. A tall, broad shouldered man who looks really- _shit_. ”Oliver Wood?” she sounds out. She gets the vase put down on the table beside her before he turns to look at her.

He takes a moment to stare at her. Then he says, “Parkinson,” in a way that says they were friends back in Hogwarts. They weren’t. He adds, “You fixed your nose,” on the end of and Pansy remembers exactly why they weren’t friends — at least every Slytherin, good or bad, she has met since school ended has had the tact to ignore her little cosmetic alteration. She merely rolls her eyes, not bothered responding.

"This isn’t my house," he tells her. Like she wasn’t already aware of the fact.

She gives him, “No, it’s not. It’s not even a house; it’s an apartment, in fact.”


End file.
